The “stokedale paradox” tells us a very simple truth:
Don’t look too high for what’s yet to happen. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.
Once the expectation falls, the huge gap feeling will cause you great psychological harm.
Remember, never expect too much from anyone.
If you expect too much from your partner, you will be overwhelmed by trivial matters, which will affect the relationship between your partners. The expectation of the parents is too high, they will complain that their parents have no ability to create good conditions for themselves, not only cold the heart of their parents, but also make themselves self-abased and sensitive; The expectation of their children is too high, once you do not meet the expectations will be disappointing, irritable, parent-child relationship will become bad; The expectation of friends is too high, then in this society, it is difficult for you to have a few true friends……
As the writer Ma De said: “I slowly understand why I am not happy, because I always expect a result.”
It is a disaster to expect too much of anyone.
The highest level of self-discipline among adults is to lower expectations of others.
There is a formula in economics: Happiness = utility/expectation.
That is, the lower a person’s expectation, the easier it is to obtain satisfaction, and the easier it is to get happiness.
Some users have shared a story, I find it very interesting.
Users said that the university just graduated that year, there was a time when hiswas very tight, even eating has become a problem, can be in the face, and can not pull the face to ask for money at home.
So, he sent a message to a high school student, want to find students to borrow two thousand dollars emergency.
This student, like him, just graduated from college, did not have any spare money, so he hardly holds any hope.
The message was sent for an hour, and he was slow to see the students reply.
As a result, after half an hour, the students back to him said that just in the meeting, the leader does not let watch the mobile phone.
Then, he received a transfer of two thousand dollars from his schoolmate.
He said, at that moment, some feeling.
As it is said in “The loss of personality”: “without excessive happiness, there is no extreme sadness.”
When you don’t look forward to it, life is always a surprise.
When you rely on yourself, you can live the life you want.
I know an elderly couple and appreciate their sense of life.
They never thought that they would rely on their children for the aged in the future, so when they were young, they worked very hard, bought all kinds of insurance, and saved a lot of money.
After retirement, the old couple never asked for money from their children, took the money and pension when they were young, traveled around, and lived a very happy life in their later years.
See the old life, I think of a word:
The most intelligent way to live is to reduce dependence, lower expectations, and maintain love.
When you lower your expectations and lower your dependence, it is all good.
Finally, to share with you a paragraph:
Don’t put your expectations on others, because others have no obligation to realize your expectations. The expectation of others is too high, which is essentially the escape and extrapolation of one’s own inability.
Instead of expecting others, it is better to rely on yourself.
When your heart is strong, you no longer fear of loneliness, no longer expect someone to accompany; When you are economically independent, you have the confidence to solve the problem, no longer expect someone to help you.